


Conversations 3

by LadyoftheWoods



Series: Sanders Sides [11]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-21
Updated: 2019-06-21
Packaged: 2020-05-16 04:40:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19310803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyoftheWoods/pseuds/LadyoftheWoods
Summary: Logan helps Virgil face some fears





	Conversations 3

He sat on the couch, legs pulled up to his chest, arms wrapped tight around them, forehead resting on his knees. He didn’t feel right. It wasn’t that he was sick, exactly. He didn’t have a fever, he didn’t have a sore throat or runny nose. It was something else. More of a sense, than a physical ailment.  
It was like the world was slightly off kilter, like everything was tilted just a few extra degrees. It was like looking at the world through Logan’s glasses, slightly blurry and unfocused, and doing it for too long gave you a headache.  
It was like there was something eating away at him inside, making him slowly fade away, no matter how hard he fought back. That’s what it was, whatever it was. Some remnant of power, some consequence of not using his room, some side effect of Milo’s blow still sticking it out. But dealing with it meant dealing with his room, meant dealing with Milo. And he could ignore it for a while longer. He had to. It had been nearly a month and he’d managed so far. He could manage a little longer.  
Logan passed by the living room, face in a book titled something about physics, barely registering Virgil on the couch, he’d grown so used to him always being there. Something made him pause. He frowned, closing his book, and stepped backwards, looking at Virgil.  
He was pale, which was not unusual, but his complexion seemed rather pasty, even for him, almost to an unnatural level. He seemed to be breathing strangely, as if he were struggling to lift something heavy or do some arduous task, though he was only sitting there. He’d grown used to the pattern of breaths Virgil used to calm himself, this wasn’t that.  
He walked over quietly, observing Virgil for a few moments, his hair falling forwards over his face, so Logan couldn’t see it. Still, he seemed to be in some state of semi alertness, zoning out, as they called it. He cleared his throat, Virgil didn’t react. He sat down next to Virgil, awkwardly reaching out and tapping his shoulder.  
Virgil startled, jumping inches before landing again, looking rather sheepish as he pushed his hair back, looking at Logan.  
“I didn’t mean to startle you, Virgil. I just noticed you looked a bit unwell.” Logan said, looking him over closely now that he could see his face.  
Virgil’s face was pallid, almost… translucent? It looked like he hadn’t slept in days, which was normal for Virgil, but the clear strain and exhaustion on his face was not. Sweat beaded his forehead, and his eyes had an uncanny brightness to them. He felt his heart speed up. He didn’t know how he hadn’t noticed earlier, but Virgil was very, very not okay.  
“It’s nothing. Just stressed out, y’know?” Virgil replied, though he seemed unable to convince himself, much less Logan.  
“Virgil if you are coming down with some illness, it’s best to treat it earlier than later, especially with your recent…. Injuries. It could be some infection or side effect of being hurt so gravely, or remnants of whatever it is we did.” Logan replied evenly, logically, though he wasn’t feeling so level headed himself. He was seeing Virgil lying delirious on the couch, almost dead.  
“Yeah, way to state the obvious, Teach.” Virgil drawled, though his heart wasn’t in it. Logan let out a frustrated noise.  
“If you are aware of the issue, why have you not brought it to my or the other’s attention? I know you at least speak with Patton plainly, even if you won’t with me.” Virgil winced slightly, shrugging.  
“Because that would mean dealing with it. And I don’t know if I’m ready to deal with it.” Virgil replied, fiddling with his hoodie strings. Logan’s mind whirred, before he formulated a couple hypothesis.  
“You fear whatever this is, is in relation to your room, or to Deceit. Both of which are interconnected issues and ones you would rather avoid than face.”  
“Figured that out all by yourself, huh?”  
“Well, yes, who else would I have- oh that was sarcasm.” Logan cut himself off at the eye roll from Virgil. “Good to see your personality hasn’t been impacted at least.” He replied, adjusting his glasses, earning a bit back smile from Virgil, which felt better than winning a Nobel prize. Making him smile was harder than almost anything else.  
“You know you can’t avoid it forever. The room is an extension of you, without it you’ll- “He gasped, realizing what was happening then. “Not entering your room for so long is weakening you. You’re fading away. Virgil, I don’t care what your fears are, you need to go back in there now and recharge. If we lose you completely…” He trailed off, mind racing through probable possibilities and scenarios. None of the outcomes were good.  
“It’s not that easy. What if I lose myself again? What if I’m not strong enough to keep out Milo? If I let him get in my head again? What if the others…. So far, it’s been mostly only him. If the others show up, if they team up too…. My room is like a nightmare sometimes, Logan. And I keep letting the nightmares in.” He said, shaking his head, regretting it as the room spun for a moment. Vertigo. Nice. That was new.  
“It doesn’t matter. Without you, Thomas is, well, you’ve seen what happens.” Logan replied, sounding more worried than Virgil had ever heard him.  
“So, you reason him into doing what he needs to do, Patton keeps him doing what’s right, Roman keeps him coming up with ideas, creating content, you keep that content in check. Life goes on. He’d be fine.” Virgil replied, looking away.  
“That’s not a solution! I need you to stop wanting to give up on yourself, Virgil! I need you to stay! You promised you wouldn’t scare me like this again. You. Promised.” Logan raised his voice, making Virgil look at him. Logan hardly ever yelled. Especially not at him. He was silent a moment.  
“I’m just tired, Logan. I’m afraid and I’m tired and I’m angry. Or I was. I think now the anger is gone and I’m just… sad. It was easier before I was sad.” Virgil said softly, leaning back on the couch. He felt Logan take his hand, felt some of Logan’s soothing power flow into him, clearing his head.  
“I know it’s hard to face your fears. I know it’s even harder for you. But you can’t keep this up, Virg. You need rest, real rest, and you can’t get that out here.” Logan replied softly, squeezing Virgil’s hand.  
“There’s no guarantee I’ll get it in there, either.” He muttered, though he knew Logan was right.  
“Must you always be so contrary.” Logan sighed, adjusting his glasses.  
“It’s what I do best.” Virgil stood, nearly falling over as the room spun around him, Logan catching and steadying him as he rubbed his forehead.  
“Virgil, in Deceit’s realm… you know I relate to you more easily than any of the others, right? You are, ostensibly, the one I prefer to engage in discourse with and be around.” Logan said, clearing his throat as they walked down the hall.  
“I know. Whatever you saw, it doesn’t matter. He was just trying to unbalance you. You… even me out, y’know?”  
“Falsehood. It matters to me. It matters that you don’t actually feel that I make you feel worthless, or obsolete. It matters that you know you belong, no matter what.” Virgil glanced at him with that wide-eyed look he only got when he was surprised, or saw things in a suddenly new way, biting his lip. He didn’t reply, but he was clearly thinking, which was what counted in Logan’s book. They stopped outside his door, the purple a bit faded, handle a bit rusted.  
“I can stay with you, for a while, if you want, I mean. The room’s effect kicks in slowly, and with no actual conflict happening I should be able to keep my reasoning.” Logan said, seeing the fear on Virgil’s face. “Or I can get one of the others, if you like, perhaps Patton- “  
“No. no, I’d rather it be you. You think, in the same way as me. If you say something, I can believe you, because you’re not overly optimistic like them, or negative like me. You’re just… clear headed. I need that, I think.” Virgil said nervously, taking a breath and pushing open the door, stepping inside with Logan at his side.  
It was dark. He snapped and the dim purple lights came on, showing the mess the room had been left in. He winced, rubbing his head.  
“Kinda forgot I threw a temper tantrum before taking off.” He muttered, picking up the frame lying on the floor, the picture of the four of them. He tucked it in his pocket, Logan pretending not to notice. He clapped his hands, and everything righted itself.  
The books flew back to their places, the lamp stood back up, the wall repaired itself, Milo’s graffiti vanished, everything was as it had been before that day, before he’d been such an idiot.  
“It was alarming when we discovered the state of it. The fact that the door was just… open… made us know something was wrong immediately.” Logan stated, pushing back his unease. It was just the room.  
“What, and your room is always open?” Virgil scoffed. Logan looked at him, confused.  
“Yes, actually. It’s not locked, per se, usually a knock will open it up. Patton keeps his open constantly, and Roman’s is open when he’s not busy brainstorming. You are the only one who habitually keeps their room locked, refusing any contact with others.” Logan rattled off, adjusting his glasses, realizing that look was back on Virgil’s face.  
“Oh. I thought everyone…”  
“You hold yourself back more than you know, Virgil. We keep telling you, we’re here for you, you just have to let us in every once in a while.” Logan replied gently. Virgil turned with a shake of his head, looking around his newly restored room. He’d think later, when he wasn’t already on the edge.  
It was nice, being back in his own space again. There was an air about it, even though it was made of anxiety, it was his room, that calmed him down a bit. His own books, blankets, posters, they soothed him. That was usually offset by the fear of the Dark sides popping by, but he was too tired to care, and he had Logan with him. That made him feel safe, he realized.  
He snapped to attention as he realized Logan was looking at him, as if expecting a response. He’d said something, and Virgil had missed it completely.  
“What? Sorry.” Logan’s forehead creased, a sure sign of concern.  
“I was just asking if you were alright. Let’s get you settled in.” He said gently. Virgil yawned hugely, nodding, flopping down on his bed and cocooning himself in his nest of blankets, smiling despite himself at being surrounded by his things, familiar things.  
He grabbed his headphones and slid them on, turning on a meditation book he’d gotten with Logan’s gift card from Christmas. He snuggled in, letting out a soft sigh. He already felt more real, more solid, less like he was barely holding himself together. He hadn’t realized how tired he was until he lay down, and felt like he could sleep forever.  
“Logan? You’ll really stay, for a bit?” Virgil asked, eyes barely peeking out from under the blankets.  
“As long as I can, Virg. I can swap out with the others if the room gets to me too much. But I’ll be here if you need me. I promise.” He adjusted his glasses, a bit uncomfortable with the sweep of strong protective emotions surging through him. Virgil smiled smally.  
“thanks Teach.” Then he was asleep. Logan let out a held in breath, feeling some of his stress drain away. He wondered if this was how Patton felt, looking at all of them. This strong, protective, nurturing instinct.  
He could see where Virgil was coming from, with his fears. Virgil used logic, in his own way, to reach conclusions. He just jumped to the most extreme ends of those threads of logic, seeing the worst case scenario instead of the most likely scenario. It was easy, then, to walk him back down his line of reasoning, show him where he jumped to a conclusion, and steer him back down the line of probable outcomes. Still, Virgil always worried him, not least of all because of his tendency to hide away instead of be forthcoming with issues. That was something him and Patton have in common, which made him both frustrated and relieved. Because they didn’t talk to him, but at least they talked to each other. Still, at least this time he’d listened, let him help. Trusted him, which was by no means an easy thing for Virgil to do.  
“Well, look who’s finally ba- oh. It’s just you.” Logan spun, letting out a sharp hiss of breath, standing to block Virgil from view. Deceit stood in the middle of the room, disinterestedly looking around. “Still, I see you’ve fixed up the place. I’d say it looks nice but even I can’t lie that badly.” His eyes flashed as he looked up at Logan.  
Logan felt something… strange. It burned in his stomach, pulsed in his veins, made him clench his hands into fists and his eyes to burn green with power. It made him feel taller, bigger, fiercer. It made him want to act very illogically. It was anger, it was rage, it was all the fear he’d had for Virgil when he was trying every trick he knew to break his fever, when he was mumbling in his sleep, when he was broken on the ground, when he’d thought, came so close to thinking, they were going to lose him.  
In a moment he was across the room, fists clenched and he swung, hitting Deceit right in his good eye, sending him reeling backwards. He didn’t care that his knuckles were bruised or the pain spiking up his arm, for a moment he stood there, feeling good that he’d lashed out.  
“My my Logan, I didn’t think you had that in you.” Deceit smirked, recovering, wincing slightly as he felt his eye start to swell. “Pretty good arm for someone who’s such a bookworm.”  
“Shut up and get out.” Logan hissed, trying hard to keep his own power in check.  
“Come now Logan, I can’t visit an old friend?” He lashed out then, unspooling his power in great green vines that wrapped around Deceit’s legs, arms, tying him up before throwing him back against the wall, pinning him there.  
“You are not his friend. Let me tell you what you did. You bullied him, harassed him, tore him down time after time when he wanted to get better, wanted to get help, until he was afraid to leave his room.” Logan came closer with every rattled off word. “And after? He was sick, so sick, I was almost certain we were going to lose him, his fever didn’t come down for a week. The whole time he was delirious, lost in nightmares that you gave him, because of your little game. Because of you, he was terrified of his own room, he couldn’t even look at the door, he could barely look at us, because all he saw was corpses. He was fading away from not coming in here and he only, only came in because I told him I would stay and keep him safe. And unlike you, I am no liar.” He hissed, staring down Deceit, who was chained to the wall by his power, by his will, too stunned to move, to try and break free. He wasn’t even sure if he could. Logan was always the most hesitant when it came to using his power, but this was a whole new level. He’d never seen Logan actually truly furious before, and he didn’t know what he could do with that fury.  
“Did you even care that you nearly killed him, putting aside that you were aiming for Patton? You claim he was your friend, wasn’t he, that was the whole point of your little charade and hall of mirrors, that you were so much better for him than we are, that you understand him so much better than we do. You’re even more stupid and arrogant than I thought. All that matters to you is you. He knows that now, we all do. So, if you have something to say, say it. Otherwise if I ever hear of you coming in here again, if I so much as suspect that you’re hurting him, I swear I will track you down wherever you decide to hide in the mindscape and make you wish you’d never existed in the first place.” He pulled his hand back and the vines tightened, squeezing him until he couldn’t breathe, until he heard bones pop, before they vanished and he fell to the floor. “This is not one of your games. We are not your pawns. Virgil will be safe.”  
He looked up at Logan, who towered above him, and saw the truth of his threat in his gleaming eyes, his ready stance. He heard a rustle, and his eyes flickered past Logan, over his shoulder, seeing for the first time that Virgil was there. With a pop, he vanished from the floor, appearing next to the bed. Hesitantly, he reached a hand out to Lucian, before pulling back, biting his lip. He looked so small, so pale, so… weak. He did that. He ruined everything. Standing there, he deflated, let go of his façade, let his shoulders drop and sag. Let his own secret fear release.  
“I didn’t want… I didn’t mean for it to go that far. I didn’t mean for any of this to happen, not really. I don’t want to be the bad guy all the time, I just get stuck on showing I’m right and disregard the cost. Whatever the cost. I don’t know how to stop.” He looked back over his shoulder, at Logan, who was watching him like a hawk, ready to strike the moment he made any kind of move. “He was gone from the room for so long… I thought I’d know, I’d feel it, if he didn’t make it, but I wasn’t sure. Then the days passed and passed and I didn’t…. Nothing is worth him. He was always better than the rest of us.” He reached out, gently stroking Lucian’s hair, smiling sadly as he leaned into the touch. He drew back, turning to Logan.  
“I won’t be back. Not unless he calls me, not unless he wants to talk. I’ll do what I can about the others. Tell him that, will you? And that… that I’m sorry, for everything.” He gave a bittersweet smile, meeting Logan’s eyes. “Everything you said was right. You’re better for him than I ever was, and I was selfish to try and get him back. See you around, Teach.” And before Logan could process the genuineness in Deceit’s voice, he vanished.  
Logan let out a heavy breath, feeling wobbly as he let go of the tension building in him, all the power he’d gathered ready to protect Virgil. He knew he should switch off with one of the others, but he didn’t want to leave yet. He wasn’t ready to leave Virgil, no matter what Deceit said, or how sincere he sounded. He sat on the edge of the bed, watching Virgil sleep, and shook his head. Nothing else was going to happen to him. Not now, not ever. He’d make sure of that.


End file.
